an exercise in freewriting

the calm academic lull – my definition of exam preparations and the period where each and every student spends obscene amounts of time waiting for the exams to start, waiting for the exams to end, waiting for the holidays to start, dreading the beginning of the next academic semester.

a dreadful lot of waiting.

waiting for the monotonous voice to tell you that you are to stop writing. a little bit of cosmic irony following the announcement – the tape automatically reverts back to the voice that speaks to you at the beginning of your exams.

many thoughts swirl in the deep dark recesses of the brain. another voice on the radio comforts you, sort of. at least for the first five minutes. then it becomes grating. your thoughts are in a mess. a maelstrom of un-fulfilment. detest. you detest your own weak consciousness for being unable to hold onto the epiphany of a passing moment.

jab. the voice is silenced. the whirlpools in the frontal cortex seems to slow. heightened hearing and touch. the mind wanders like a two-bit street walker, now focusing on the sound of the fingers tapping away at the keyboard; the coldness in the extremities. you need a jacket – another voice resonates – from the depths of your consciousness.

the chair is really comfortable, pipes another voice. maybe you should rest awhile – it prods, gently.

NO. you cannot afford to rest. not when there is this much unfinished business; and definitely not before you retrieve the epiphany that is lost. this voice sounds more  authoritative. the other voices cringe at this one voice. yes master, grovelling, like the slaves they are, they retreat to the shadows.

but do they truly retreat? no, there is no way. they are vicious rumour-mongers, waiting for the slightest opportunity to strike once more – once Mr. Authority slacks off, they will come with their knives, garden shears and chainsaws. they will tear Authority to bits and claim this intellect as their plaything.

no.

they have already won.

the infinite permutations of 24 letters in different lengths seek a freedom they cannot have.

alone, they mean little. together, and only together, can they take form.

 

rational and irrational – twins separated at birth, united by a force quite unknown. to quote a bit of pop culture ” one cannot live while the other dies.” the endless twinning that exist in society – the matter and anti-matter.

desiring to be no longer alone, yet, unable to fulfil one’s own end of the bargain. burying double meanings in one’s posts, yet certain that no one will be able to find them. the perfect hidden message – paradox in the making.

 

waiting. waiting. waiting.

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