the motivation for writing these things usually start with a need to remind the future self about some intrinsic value that one fears might be lost. yet, what about the past? are these letters to the future meant also for the past? in that it documents and preserves a fixed moment, however short of the past?
it’s with these thoughts, a glass of wine, a bigger flask of water and some hot tea – that i begin.
it’s been awhile. almost four years ago, you thought that as the chapter on national service closed and a journey into university began, you thought life would be different.
and perhaps, for awhile, you were right. being put into a new system, flush from the slightly improved self-esteem (from the physical training in NS), to that teaching award, who wouldn’t be. new people and experiences ambushed you at every corner. and boy, did you take advantage of every single one of them. you joined so many committees – freshmen orientation, the campus newspaper, hall production, and even took a brave stab at doing business with the outside world. all this, on top of a particularly insane quest to chase down two different schools of knowledge within communications and literature. and you did it. you finally found a girlfriend – after writing about it since your secondary school days. (and she will laugh at that, mind you, when she does find your terrible old blog)
there are some advice (dare i sound sagely?) that i want to tell you as i now stand at 24.
i want you, first and foremost, to never self-depreciate your own work till you believe that you are actually worthless. it would save you many nights of self-doubt over your own worth and value to this world. no, i am not asking you to be a snobbish asshat, but rather, appreciate yourself a little more on the things you will commit yourself to. understand that every single step into the unknown you take requires courage. courage that might seem easy to come by (being Leos, and the closet astronomy believers that we are), that others might find hard to see. this includes the double major, the various leadership/committee positions and even that stab into business. appreciate that each and everyone of these experiences will broaden your horizons, shape your understanding of the world – and most importantly, make you the individual that you will become. for better or worse, when you do reach 24 – these are the experiences that define you as an individual.
secondly, discipline yourself more. as in seriously, do it. honestly, i am rather clueless on this aspect, seeing that my life is still in shambles. ultimately, we are individuals that are motivated by strange, non-rational reasons – to apply what you will learn in a future module you are to take – perhaps as Generation Y people, being so in-tune with the virtual landscape – particularly gaming landscape – we are better motivated by gamification processes. the prospect of life as a game might be too entrenched into our psyche to extract – you and i both know that at times, we think of ourselves as player characters in that real-life simulation game, The Sims, and attribute our rational sides to the player controlled actions, and our acts of insanity to the AI-generated inputs. but trust and tap into your rational side more, difficult as it may be. and perhaps, just perhaps, you can avoid the pitfalls that i am going to make.
the third point is sort of linked to the first, but have more faith in yourself. i think amongst all the friends that you will make in the coming years, you will discover that you, honestly, have the least faith in yourself. here, i mean faith of the rationale kind. we have plenty of blind faith – of believing in something simply because we want it to be true (and this, mind you, is one of the greatest strengths we have. don’t lose it.) but yes, having more rational faith in yourself would help to tide over the innumerable breakdowns that you will be having throughout the university experience.
fourth, and perhaps most important of all is this: she is worth waiting for. i’m serious. i know that you will consider many others in between the time you enter university and the time you meet her. but trust me when i say she’s worth the wait. she embodies the things that you know you lack, and serve as a constant reminder that you are capable of greater things. you are capable of becoming a better person, damned and useless as we are. she’s silly, but it’s the kind that makes you fall deeper and deeper in love with. the wait will be painful, but it’s worth it.
i shall end my letter on this note though. there’s no point in being more specific here – you and i are the same, and even as i look onto you, hoping that you wouldn’t make the same mistakes i did – i recognise, and do know, that we are the same person. the image that i am writing this letter to existed and then, faded away into the shores of time.
still, i hope this letter reaches you.to give you hope and to give you dreams.